Several weeks ago I climbed a tree, came down, and wept.
It has been a long time since I wrote. As I mentioned at the end of my January letter, I have been dealing with significant challenges. It's been almost a year now, since I experienced a major breakdown of my physical and mental health. The details aren't greatly relevant, but let's just say I haven't been at my most capable, and I've rarely had the energy to get outside for a walk, let alone haul my weight above the Earth's surface.
All this means that I have, in total, made six climbs this year, versus last year's eighty-one. There's still a bit of time in the season, but if I make it to even a dozen climbs, that will be impressive.
Back to several weeks ago. Shortly before I began to descend from the modest height of 15 ft (5 meters) I had achieved in a jacaranda (Jacaranda mimosifolia), I was overwhelmed with emotion. It was my first time in a tree in months, and my first time in a new-to-me tree since nearly a year ago. I felt the weight of what I had been missing, and a burgeoning realization of how much it meant to me. While I have climbed and written about trees for some time, I am still in the process of understanding why I have a passion for this hobby, and this enforced absence has been instructive in that regard.
I have rarely ever had much reason to feel pride and accomplishment in my physical abilities. I am a person of modest stature (which, American society constantly reminds me, reduces my worth), slight build, and no great physical strength. And yet, in climbing, I have been able to connect with my body in a way that I've otherwise never been given. I was, in the words of my partner, an athlete, and I have occasionally felt like one.

I do not think that my athletic days are gone forever. Nor are my days of writing about climbing—though energy for that has been lacking for some time, as well. But, both that climb, and this writing, have given me a reminder of what has been missing from my life this last year. I am eager to return, and I am confident in doing so. I’m still not fully over the challenges that have held me back, but things are definitely getting better.
Welcome back - was excited to see this pop up in my inbox.